Deborah Day Poor, LCSW
There is no difficulty too great to be lessened.
I write because a self-help book, delivered to me by a friend, greatly improved my life. In it I learned that I was allowing myself to be a victim. Growing up with an alcoholic father and a mother who was emotionally and physically abused taught me to do all I could to “keep the peace”. I didn’t know that my “peace at any price” personality was attracting “I want what I want when I want it” people to me. Imagine how difficult my life was. Pleasing all the people all the time is impossible. But, my fear of conflict motivated me to continue to try to please everyone, even ones who were eager to take advantage of me.
Sometimes I felt sorry for myself. Other times, I tried to teach others to be more like me. With the help I received from several self-help books, good therapists and a support group I learned that all I needed to do was change the way I interacted with others. It wasn’t easy, but it was not impossible. Instead of always giving in, I learned how to be more assertive and to set boundaries. At first it was scary. But, in time I discovered that my new attitude gave me internal peace and it freed up the time and energy I needed to live for me.
At age forty-one, the “new me’ went to college. I became a psychotherapist and my clients taught me that my back story was common. I met hundreds of them who grew up in dysfunctional families. They too became “peace at any price” people.
Many of my readers have let me know how much my book, “Peace at Any Price; How to Overcome the Please Disease” has helped them. My second book titled “Beyond Reason: How to Deal With Difficult Loved Ones” also encourages readers to stand up for themselves and it uses true stories to explain codependency, addictions, eating disorders, and personality disorders. “Everything Happens For A Reason”, my third book, supports my theories by using historical information.
For me, writing is a labor of love. I do it because I care about you.
Yours truly, Deborah
Some of Deborah’s Favorite Quotes:
- We all learn what we live.
- Buried pain does not decompose. Freud
- We must feel it to heal it and grieve it to leave it.
- Feelings are like kids. Don’t let them drive the car or stuff them in the trunk.
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